He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize