PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
