Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
