so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
