May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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