Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
