I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
