He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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