my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize