lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
