so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
