4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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