The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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