when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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