I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize