This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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