I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
