Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
