just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
