i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
