also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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