Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
