thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
