cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
