I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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