My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
