she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think people are normalizing furries
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