Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize