i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
