Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
