He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it's like heaven, but drunker
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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