Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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