She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
