We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
