she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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