i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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