I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
