Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
