the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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