All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
