My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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