btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
