What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
