they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My bed smells like the plague
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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