Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
