The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
