I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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