Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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