I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
