We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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