One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
