If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
