Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
