you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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