I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
