after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
