Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
