I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize