drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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