just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
