I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
