Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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