As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
