I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
