How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
