Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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