Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
