I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it's like iHOP with fire
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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