How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
