do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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