Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
