Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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