I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Rumble strips road head = magical
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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