Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The beer is more important than you right now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
