i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
