my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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