If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
