your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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