the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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