We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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