are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
