Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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