That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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