I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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