can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
