it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
