My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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