Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
