its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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