ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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