Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
