I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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