Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
