is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
