party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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