I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
