and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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