Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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