I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
