Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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