singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
