she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
