...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize