Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize