I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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