Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I want to make a zoo with you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize