You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
